Coming to the end of myself

This is where I find myself quite frequently these days.

The Lord has been allowing me to see just how weak, frail, selfish and anxious I really am.

Seriously?! You think you are going along just fine, and suddenly everything just crumbles down around you. You are left only with yourself. And in my case, that is not all that impressive.

It's wearying to take a long look at yourself and see what's really there lurking beneath the surface. I see how easily satisfied I am by things that do not sustain me. I see my wounds and am connecting the dots and see how I wound others out of those unresolved hurts.

I unfortunately do not embrace confession as a spiritual discipline as often I should. That was made plain to me the other night when I sat with my journal and Scripture (aka my hope) and began to confess. I went on for pages and pages and feel as though I only began to scratch the surface.

I am so thankful for the moments God gives me eyes to see and ears to hear true things. I must know the truth about myself before I can appreciate how great a Savior He is. If my sin is minimal, and my situation less than dire, what do I have to be saved from? If I've got this thing called life down pat, what need have I of Christ's presence, redemption and daily sustenance? If I can modify my behavior and regulate my morality, who needs a radical transformation of the heart?

I long for the days that I consistently abide in Christ and He in me.
I am so thankful for the work that Christ does, not I. If it depended on me, I might as well call it quits. It is He who brings the good works He begins in us to completion!
I am so thankful that His patience does not cease and that He will not give up on me.
I am so grateful that He brings us to the end of ourselves and graciously allows us to be reminded anew of how in need of Him we truly are.

He is the perfect gentleman. He gently shows us the error of our ways. He does not sit with arms crossed waiting to criticize. He enters our mess, chaos, disease, brokenness. He embraces us, forgives, heals, restores and comforts us.

May I share with you what is ministering to me in the deepest parts of my person and getting me through? I am so thankful that we can trust these words to be true!

Psalm 103

¹Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!
²Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
³who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
⁴who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
⁵who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

⁶The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all who are oppressed.
⁷He made known his ways to Moses,
his^L)"> acts to the people of Israel.
⁸The LORD is^M)"> merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
⁹^N)"> He will not always chide,
nor will he^O)"> keep his anger forever.
¹⁰He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward^S)"> those who fear him;
¹²as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
¹³As^U)"> a father shows compassion to his children,
so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.
¹⁴For he knows our frame;
he remembers that we are dust.