Future Things

This last Sunday was a rare occasion. For the first weekend in many I found myself with no plans and able to just relax and be and decide what I wanted to do with the time I had.

I decided to get cozy on the couch with my macbook and do some much needed research on grad programs. Fall 2010 semester seems so far off, but as time goes, this year is going to fly by whether I am ready or not.

With pen and paper in hand, I scoured all websites of the different programs I am interested in. Noting the different deadlines, requirements, etc. Comparing tuition, location, accredidation. It was great to narrow my search and once more be convinced that Denver is still my top choice. I was very impressed with Covenant's application and will be submitting my application there as a backup, for sure.

I just recently moved - (moving in general = something I absolutely dislike). We got settled into our new place just over a month ago. As I was sitting in my living room, looking at all the wonderful things we've been blessed with to furnish our apartment and make it home, all I could think of was: "How in the world am I going to move all of this across the country? What could I get rid of?"!

The sensation that followed left me feeling nearly paralyzed.

I adore my roomie.

I finally feel like I know what I am doing at my job.

I have such a wonderful strong community here. It takes time for relationships to develop and hard work and awkward stages and I feel as though I am just beginning to see the fruits of my labor - in my small group, at my church, with my beloved book group, figuring out life as an ahhhhdult.

Looking into the unknown, I had trouble seeing a picture of what my life would be - I could only see feelings -

Loneliness - moving to a brand new city where I know a handful of people (at best). Starting from scratch when it comes to friends and community.
Uncertainty - not knowing that I actually want to be a counselor and only being able to find that out after actually pursuing my Master's
Difficulty - moving all of my things, finding a roomie, finding a job to pay the bills, all of the logistics of how to make it work.
Inadequacy - Having to be responsible for my life decisions and carry through on them.

And as soon as the paralyzing sensation swept over me - another picture came that brought calm.

I looked around our cozy apartment and thought to myself: I never could have pictured this life one year ago. I never could have anticipated the friends God would provide, the church, the opportunities, even the adorable home that Sarah and I get to live in in our beloved Logan Square. I could not have pictured the specifics, but I could rest in know that God would provide what I have need of.

Of course I can't picture what my life will look like one year from now. I just need to do what I know to do with what I have.

God will orchestrate and intervene and provide and direct my paths. He will make the way. I can honor my feelings in that it is a big step and a significant change and a going forward in a way I have not yet done before -
But I get to be a big girl,
I get to grow in independence and strength and
I get trust that my God is good, sufficient and is so gracious to let me grow through this.

So, here we go. Onward and upward... Or, something like that, but perhaps a little less cheesy/chirpy.

God gives us grace for the moment - here's to trusting who He has revealed Himself to be - the good and faithful God who sees us and gives us what we need in His impeccable timing.

p.s. the pictures of our new place are free - just thought i would throw them in here instead of doing a whole blog of the place.
Enjoy!